& Just Like That My Bills Were Paid

Me in my true form.

Okay.. Forget everything you know about me and just read this thanggg just as it is. I am nothing, yet I am something.. I am nobody, yet I am somebody.. AND I AM TIRED, yet I sleep every night.

Booooyyy looka here. At my core I am the most insecure, over analytical, oversharing, goofy spiritualist that has woke up and decided to be free today. Y’all I love being open about my journey, but for some reason I just stopped because I thought when my depression episodes hit I am suppose to like.. be the expectation of depression. WHICH… it do be hard to exist at times.. it do be hard to leave that bed… it do be hard to listen to uplifting music.. it do be hard to eat… and it do be hard to socialize. I can’t even lie tho.. I love that for me sometimes, lol. Just to FEEL how I truly FEEL and not have to pretend is such a release, but what I have realized is the one light that doesn’t go out when I am at my lowest is my passion to create and share. To talk about how I feel in the hopes of making one less person feel alone.

Society has made me feel like those who are open books to an extent are too much or vying for attention… WELL GUESS WHAT * insert profanity name of your choice here * .. THIS MY PATH!! & I have been reassured day in and day out that when I share what I know or just be my eccentric goofy self I am helping others.

I am so glad my damn lights back on, omg. It’s crazy because I read so much and I am forever in my depth and spiritual bag.. & right now I am working on freeing myself from myself. I have released so much and allowed myself to sit with emptiness. In those moments I had visions, thoughts, understandings, and heightened awareness. I am a Gemini and as corny as this sounds I have noticed I have a literal dark twin and a light twin.. lmao . This dark twin has been running my lifeeeee. My ego has been so happy. My ego gave my dark twin the money, keys, cars, friends, and house. I have been fearful of so many things in all areas of life. Until this past month..

MY LIGHTS CAME BACK ON AND THEY HERE TO STAY AND ONLY FLICKER SOMETIMES.. lmao or turn off on some weekends, haha. I do still enjoy my solitude and I truly love my dark twin, but life is about balance. The message that has been redundant in my oracle/ tarot cards, books, tv shows, and tik tok for you page…

Thank you universe *rolls eyes*

Has been that we must lean into the light no matter how fearful or uncomfortable in might feel. You can’t ask for new perspective or get closer to who you are without leaning into that part of you that causes you the most anxiety. It’s crazy because I can feel how freeing and beautiful that energy is. I can feel how many opportunities can naturally be attracted to me from just leaning into the light. I am literally sitting here smiling because I can feel it as I type.

I don’t want to be me anymore. I want to just be free of all ideas, beliefs, fears, goals, etc… because when you release all these things and learn into your light.. they all come flying at you in beautiful ways.

I am not controlling life anymore. That resistance hurts more than leg day in college.. Be in that ice tub CRINEEE! A form of emotional abuse I didn’t know existed, lmao. I say all of that to say that I am ready to flow and let life work for me. My focus will only be to lean into the light and the things within me that makes me happy.. I am leaving the rest up to life.

Although I am human and y’all will see another YouTube, blog, post, or Tik Tok about why life so stupid and I can’t deal with it..

but that’s life.. its full of ups and downs.. I am just deciding to consciously view it in a different perspective.

Heaven is a mind state…

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